A Circle of Friends

Camilleri, Joseph M. (1999): A Circle of Friends, an article published by the Attard Special Needs Support Group. Attard. Malta.

Too often non-disabled people see persons with disability, like me, as people whose needs are impossibly 'special'. They argue that since our needs are so 'special' they can only be fulfilled in 'special' medical centres, by 'specialists' who have the necessary knowledge and skills. Arguments like these are mistaken on two counts:
· we, people with disability, DO NOT have special needs, and
· most of us are provided with all the support we need by non-professionals in a home and community setting.

First of all, human beings, irrespective of their race, creed, gender or dis/ ability, wish for the same things in life: food, drink, warmth, shelter, a safe environment, and to be part of a community which values us and our achievements. Notwithstanding my disability I share all these needs with you, non-disabled people. Thus, my needs are not special, even if the way I reach my personal goals may be different from you.

For example, let us imagine we both work in the same, second floor, office. As a non-disabled person you have the choice of using the lift, or climbing up the stairs; as a disabled person, I have the choice of using the lift, or being lifted up the stairs by a friend, or friends. HOW we get to the office doesn't matter, the main thing is that we get there!

Throughout my life, excluding hospital stays, all the support I needed to live in the community was provided by my family members, my friends in the community and sometimes by non-medical professionals, such as my teachers. These people valued me as a person first and foremost. They did not want to change me --- to make me normal. They only wanted the same quality of life for me as they did for themselves: they were my CIRCLE OF FRIENDS.

For a person with disability, having or not having a circle of friends can make the difference between living a full life of inclusion in the community, or a miserable existence segretated from most human contact.

A circle of friends is nothing more or less than a group of people who have the best interests of a disabled person at heart. They meet regularly, and, together with the disabled person they develop a strategy of support which will ensure that the disabled person leads a full and dignified life. They do not work for, but with the disabled person.

The person with disability may need different kinds of assistance at different times of the day. Such assistance cannot always be provided by one person only. That is why the CIRCLE OF FRIENDS:

· work with the disabled person to identify the type, level and frequency of support he, or she, needs;

· again, together, they organise a timetable so that the responsibility of providing support is shared by the whole group and, in this way, no one suffers;

· they also meet to discuss progress and to suggest changes to the overall plan.

But always they listen to and organise their activities around the wishes and needs of the disabled person. A circle of friends ceases to be a circle of friends when the disabled person is no longer seen as a valued equal, is no longer listened to and respected, but becomes merely an object to be 'cared for'. When that happens, the disabled person may just as well be exiled to life in an institution!

If I were to identify the one ingrediant which has contributed most to my own quality of life, I would unhesitatingly point to my CIRCLE OF FRIENDS. Without them I would not be where I am today. If you were to ask me: "What can I do to help disabled persons?" I would state with equal emphasis: "Create a circle of friends around a person with disability whom you know and show him/ her --- and yourself --- the real power of Love!"

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